The week so far…
Sunday morning I found out my grown daughter who currently lives with me was going to be out all night…yay! Privacy at home! I thought to myself…what would I like to do with that 36 hours?
I normally have to restrict my walking around naked to hours she is at work or asleep, or stay in my master suite with a robe handy if I need to step out (naked mom makes her uncomfortable…), so I thought I could just be naked. Work at the computer, watch some tv, reorganize the house, whatever…or just have blissful naked silence. I just like the freedom. I started doing it the minute I left my husband. Probably in part just because he wasn’t okay with nakedness and it was just a big fat fuck you to him and his way of thinking.
But instead, I decided to invite C. over – even though I had just seen him the day and night before. He had never been to where I live yet, although he had been to the old house. I usually go to his house and he cooks for me. So I said “Come over…I will make you dinner”. I even agreed he could “sleep over” although I don’t “do” sleepovers, so he didn’t have to drive the 1 ½ hours back home same day (although I do it). He said that would be great he just needed to take his dog to doggy daycare since I would have mine at home plus my daughter’s and his dog is a very large puppy with no manners yet.
I made my famous Argentinian lemon chicken. Now mind you…this is good – really good. People ASK me to make this, they beg…When my kids are asked what restaurant they want to go to for their birthday – they always say “Can I have my mom’s lemon chicken instead?” Making this is a messy, time consuming labor of love. Side note here: did you know you should always prepare your food with thoughts of love? The energy you use/have when preparing food is transferred into the food…think about that.
I have a nice gated entry, very private home…tastefully decorated, amazing view of the ocean, downright “elegant” by some people’s standards. I cleaned (although it’s mostly clean all the time), cooked, lit candles, put on music, created a nice “atmosphere” to have my friend over and I’m thinking we are going to have a great time and amazing sex for about 23 hours.
He was late coming over because daycare wouldn’t take his dog until 6pm, then he had to drive the 1 ½ hours to get here. No biggie…I had a feast ready for him…appetizers, a nice salad, a main course and dessert. I showed him around and offered him food. He seemed…uncomfortable. My dogs were wanting to visit with him – he wasn’t into it. He picked at the food, although he said he was hungry. I’m asking him questions to see if I can gently get to the bottom of whatever his issue(s) are…no real answers came other than that he just needs some time to get used to being in my place. Okay.
After dinner, I put the dishes in the sink and tidy up and we end up on the couch. It’s still light out, so he’s looking at the view. Now mind you – he has a waterfront home…this view is different but equal. He just has a bay he looks at…smaller – this view is miles, but he has seen it before – it’s the same view as the old house. I cuddle up and basically ask if he wants to lose the clothes and cuddle naked (I’m touching him) or watch a movie or what would he like to do…he says let’s just talk. Okay.
So after a few hours of talking, again I suggest let’s get naked and fool around…but now we have lightning. He’s really into watching the lightning flashes across the water. Okay. I suggest we watch from bed and we go into the bedroom but he decides the lightening is best seen from the other room – that angle is better based on the lightening mostly being to the left. Okay. Can we turn the ceiling fan off? He’s cold. Whatever. Okay Nancy.
Shortly after midnight (and still occasionally touching him trying to get him in a sex mood) he decides maybe we should go to bed (thank goodness because it is way past my bedtime now!). So I take all my wonderful feather pillows off the bed (because he’s allergic) and replace them with non-feather pillows. He asks for the ceiling fan to be off – still cold…okay. Guessing you can’t sleep with the window open and an ocean breeze either…whatever (sleepovers are bad). He asks if he can have my side of the bed…I hesitate for a second thinking I have to move my phone charger…he says never mind. I think good – I don’t even “do” sleepovers and I don’t want to sleep on the wrong side of the bed – actually I sleep in the fucking middle so you’re lucky you can even have a “side”. I strip down and get in bed (I always sleep naked – and I have told him this), he says “you really do sleep naked?” WTF? Yes, I do. By now it’s 1am and I am really tired. I am always up for sex though…but he announces he’s really tired to and can’t wait to fall asleep. Okay.
So the next 4 hours are why I don’t “do” sleepovers. I’m tired, but can’t fall asleep….I have to stay still and on my side…I doze a little, but keep waking up. 5am the dogs jump on the bed because this is the time I normally get up and they need to go potty. I ask him if after I take them out he wants coffee or to sleep. He says he wants coffee and starts to get up – I say for him to stay put, we will have coffee in bed.
The dogs and I return with coffee. I drop my robe and get back in bed. He grabs the remote and turns on the tv with the question of “Do you really not watch the news?” and I say “Yes, I don’t…it’s much too negative plus my ex-husband watched it like 12 times a day…I’ve seen and heard my quota”. He says “Well, I like to be somewhat informed. We will have to find a way for you to be informed without watching the news.” While turning to the news station. Meanwhile he is upset my dogs are wanting to be on the bed. He doesn’t like dogs on the bed. Well – fuck me – my dogs are furry babies and they and my bed are clean – WTF? Within 20 seconds I have now heard about a shooting, a rape, and an armed robbery. I explain that when you start the day with this stuff, it kind of sets a tone. Perhaps the news can wait until later in the day…I start my days with coffee, looking at the water, quiet reflection, yoga, meditation, a nice steam shower…He decides I’m right and turns off the tv.
I go get us a second cup of coffee and bring it back. I tell him I don’t really have to think about work until 12 or 1, we can have a relaxing morning (I’m thinking sex). He’s officially “retired” although not retirement age – I figure he can enjoy the morning also…right? We talk about how little sleep we actually got (I could take a nap after sex), he consults his fitbit…yep, an unacceptable amount of sleep. We talk about the fact he has things to do…Amazon Prime Day…Exes…dogs…weather. He asks me if I’m in the mood for sex or not…I am thinking “about fucking time”…I’m so tired…but always up for it…So I say “I’m not really there mentally yet, but I can certainly get there!” I’m thinking – let’s take our time…lazy morning sex can be so lovely…next thing I know – he’s done. WTF?
Being the cool chick I am, I think okay we can still play and have a fun morning. Nope – not with this guy…when he’s done, it over. I explain it doesn’t have to be…trust me…but his mind is made up – he’s never been able to and after orgasm he just loses interest. (Selfish prick) Doesn’t want to shower together…wants breakfast. Okay, I’m off to make breakfast.
After breakfast, I try again…sex? Shower? Nope – he needs to go get his boat ready for the 4th of July. Okay. I say good-bye and start my workday…frustrated – I took care of myself in the shower, but still am annoyed and sexually frustrated. The sex is usually very good…I think he’s just getting it more often than he’s used to and starting to take it for granted. I work all day with thoughts of maybe this isn’t a good match…I am way to sexual for him. Meanwhile, I happened to get involved in conversation with the other guy I let go last week (S.) and mention how frustrated I feel and he agrees to help me out with that tomorrow. S. is younger and has good stamina and creativity. A ray of sunshine.
I even headed out to my yoga and meditation that evening still feeling…so frustrated! 90 minutes of yoga and 60 minutes of deep meditation later, I am feeling better…more centered, less frustrated. I get in the car to head home and see I have a text from C. It says “Can we talk?” I’m thinking – yeah we better because your days are numbered buddy. I reply “sure”. He calls me. He tells me he has reflected on it all day and he wants to apologize. He was selfish. He wants to say he was sorry for last night and this morning and he doesn’t know why he was selfish, but realizes he was, and he’s sorry. Okay. I explain that I was feeling like I should address it but was waiting until I was finished thinking about it and could communicate clearly.
Tuesday rolls around…I have so much to do this week – been up working since 5am! I consider cancelling the date I made yesterday because I have so much to do. I explain to C. I have more to do than one person can do, it’s also the end of the month – which gives me extra work stress, I have to meet with moving men on Thursday to get the rest of my stuff from the old house – would he like to come hang out and keep me company on Thursday while I do that? Non-answer in return…okay, think about it. Meanwhile, S. texts to ask if I’m still frustrated and still need a long lunch. “Maybe” I say… Then an hour later – “fuck yes”, “meet me at 1:30” and I hit hyper-drive mode to get shit done before 1:30. I know I said I was down to two guys, but P. is out of town on business and S. is available and good. Long lunch without food and really good sex, then back to work…working until 10pm.
Wednesday started again at 5am. – C. Finally woke up and said good morning around 9…made it clear I was on my own on Thursday and acknowledged that I have a busy couple of days…good luck with that…I busted ass all day and night Wednesday and Thursday. Occasionally getting texts from C. about nothing and some cool supportive texts from P. – still out of town. – Side note: Why do men between 45 and 55 seem to have so much loss of sexual function and stamina? I think they could do better if they had more sex, ate right, exercised more, and had the mental attitude of I will not deteriorate just because I’m getting older. Now P. has no issues but he also bicycles everywhere every day and does yoga, so he is in amazing shape – but most guys in the age range are just sliding down hill and “recovering” from sexless marriages…Let’s start a movement of some kind…make a program for guys of that age bracket that gets them moving, meditating and thinking – and teaches them sex can be a multi-hour, multi-orgasmic thing for both parties…Have to think of a name for it.
So here it is Friday…I still have to do my end of the month stuff for work. My house looks like refugees have moved in and I need to sort and put away all the rest of the crap from the other house. My body hurts – I jumped in and helped the movers move shit…they were taking too long…and time is money and I was paying by the fucking hour so I worked as fast if not faster than these guys 20 years younger than me…while playing Metallica and the Stones – which surprisingly enough they didn’t really know but like now…along with ZZ Ward.
P. has invited me to visit a nudist colony with him. Great. I may be a nudist at home… and at other people’s homes, but do I really want to be a nudist everywhere?? I doubt it. I will probably go – because P. pushes my envelope and it’s good for me…but I will not be moving to a nudist colony. At his moment I never want to move ever again (it’s so much fucking work and chaos). Of course, this is the guy who rents out his house and lives above his own garage and is planning on buying an RV to live in (I will not be having sex in your RV P. – been there, done that…the thrill is gone). He still wants to create wealth, be a good Jew, but yet be adventurous and reduce his carbon footprint. He just hiked through Alaska…and is running multiple businesses…but makes sex a priority (good man!).
I’m supposed to go to a ballgame tomorrow night with C., but for the next 30 hours it will be work, work, work. – C. definitely has his good qualities…he does a lot of volunteer and charity work – I respect that. I’m on board with that. He reads the same books as I do…Chopra, Dyer, Robbins, etc. so we are on the same “spiritual evolution” page. He just runs hot and cold and has jealousy issues and apparently can’t be counted on for being on the same physical/sexual page. I’m supposed to spend a couple days with him on a boat next week for the 4th…we will see how that goes. Why does he only like his own dog? Why does he run hot and cold? I like relationships to be honest and easy…he seems to be making it harder than it has to be. He says he likes my honesty – but then he also gets uncomfortable from it. I rescheduled P. for him next week…Sorry P., I will make it up to you.
Sunday I will have a moment to think.