It has been a couple weeks since I blogged an update. Nebulizer breathing treatments, first dates, a wedding and a funeral sums it up if you are in a hurry.
I am sincerely hoping for some allergy relief sometime before the next frost. Maybe I should move…would they be better in another state or country? I’m still up in the air with work and on a break from my volunteer work. I am literally trying to put my oxygen mask on first right now.
I have had a handful or so of first dates in the last couple weeks…It is so disappointing to have good conversations on-line and on the phone, then meet the person and have no chemistry face to face. It seems like things are all lined up and good…you have things in common, you’re laughing, sharing stories…then blah face to face…nothing…and they look 10-15 years older than they did in their pictures. Can I have the guy you used to be please?
I am pretty sure Mercury is in retrograde again…so maybe that’s why the dates lately are extra bad. Twice in the last month someone I kissed has orgasmed in their pants…WTF?! The first one, I was embarrassed for him…a little flattered…but two?! No…there has to be an issue with some guys my age. Maybe it’s been so long since they had physical interaction, they are like teenaged boys just losing their shit with the least little bit of attention. Maybe they need to spend more time with their hand before going out into the dating world again? I just can’t. I have no words. Remember me? I like sex for hours. This isn’t going to work.
Then there was one guy who bit my lip during a kiss…I mean bit my lip hard and wouldn’t let go…I was saying “ouch, ouch, Owwweeee!” This guy just kept biting harder – pulling my lip away from my face and drawing blood. It was swollen for days. I made a joke about my safe word – but holy shit this guy was weird. Upon further discussion, he has a permanent bag attached to his side due to Chron’s Disease and I swear was probably at least 10 years older than he said he was. Then he ghosted me (not that I wanted more interaction). Maybe the bite was somehow his way of expressing frustration? Why are you out on a date if you can’t behave?
Then there was the guy who prayed quietly to himself before we ate…Oy Vey. There are guys who have their lives all orchestrated and laid out just the way they want them waiting to insert the woman they want…It’s weird – the furniture choices, tending to their flowers, everything “just so” – don’t want any changes…just want to insert woman here in their little world. Others seem to have no life…live with a relative, nothing of their own really…I guess just waiting to be picked and inserted into a woman’s perfectly choreographed little world. Whatever happened to each person having a life and then wanting to combine them into something even better and more interesting? My life is not well choreographed. It’s messy and ever changing. And I have this feeling that at any moment I might just pick up and leave and go somewhere totally random and start over again… so who knows where I will even be next year. People my age are weird. And not weird in a good way.
I just got back from a road trip to the other side of the state for a wedding. It would be so fun to be in my 20’s again with the knowledge and wisdom I have now…I kept all my cynicism, advice and wisdom to myself all weekend. I interacted with ex in-laws. I was nice when others weren’t. Just for fun, I checked my Tinder while I was there to see if the puddle of age-appropriate men was any better there…more of the same, just in a different location. I also scoped the wedding looking for age-appropriate single men. Didn’t find any. I figure the Universe will throw the right person in my path at some point, so I have an obligation to be on the lookout!
I am headed to a funeral next. It’s in San Francisco. My brother’s wife…it’s sad. I uniquely know how he feels and the journey he is beginning through grief. I suspect he will traverse it a lot more gracefully than I did. Is it wrong to scope a funeral for a potential date/future partner? Grief is something that never really goes away. You just learn to live with it differently. I still miss Robert. Especially when I have had to deal with unpleasant people – he always had my back, or when I’m driving hundreds of miles – we did that together so many times and had so much fun doing it, or when I remember how it feels to be completely loved and adored by someone and miss it so much… anyway I didn’t think my first post covid flight would be to a funeral.