Occasionally I am a smart ass. I never mean it in a mean way…these dating sites, Holy cow I just have so much to say. I swipe left or click the “x” over and over again…so many times. I see so much ridiculousness. I even put some tips for guys on my profile – simple stuff like “Don’t take your selfie from down low giving yourself 14 chins” and “Don’t simply respond to someone with one-word answers. Show some interest and maybe ask a question.” You know this stuff seems like common sense to me, not rocket science.

Every day I do check my “matches” and also see who had “liked” me. Just in case…you know fireworks could happen and I could instantly recognize my soul mate staring back at me…so I have to look. No info…swipe left. Never been married (at 65?!) …something is wrong there…swipe left. You get the idea. We are sifting and sorting, so you come up with a shorthand rather than reading every profile (when there is even information to read). Yesterday some guy who “liked” me also included a little message “I think I might like you.” This made me laugh.  I thought “Hmm either he is very honest or really has no clue what to say” because that is something I might say in an honest way – like “I’m bookmarking you right here because something about you says I might like you but I’m not quite sure yet”. FYI – it’s really best to keep those words in your head I’ve found.

I decided to go ahead and look at his profile – although that can be risky because occasionally after you look at someone’s profile, they start grilling you about why you looked, why you haven’t spoken to them…it just gets awkward. The guy really has nothing to say. Interests are “women”, Status “Divorced”, lots of pictures…okay, I will look. What can I learn about Mr. Nothing to Say through his photos…So many group shots…okay he wants me to know he has friends. Lots of mountains…okay that makes a little sense based on where he lives. Uh Oh – Really bad selfie. Taken in what is clearly a public men’s room with eyeglasses in his mouth (no other photo shows glasses -whose glasses are these?).

I messaged him back. “Hi. The bathroom selfie, you should delete it. LOL” He responds back “Thanks for the tip, let me look.” Then, “WTH! I thought that was my best picture! Enlighten me please, is it the location or something else?” So, I decide to just be helpful and explain some things…

“Something about the men’s room – the urinal and the stall in the background – it’s just not sexy. I “X” so many profiles, once in a while I just decide to be helpful. You are a handsome guy…looking fairly sexy…there are certain things that will make a woman say “No, Thank You” quickly so I’m just trying to help. Trust me – the bathroom selfie needs to go. Another example is if someone looks like Santa – that’s a “no, thank you”. If a guy looks like he lives with his mother – “no, thank you”. Sounds so super sadly desperate and needs to spend some time with his own hand before coming out into the real world again – “no, thank you”. Huge fish…what am I supposed to feel about this? Get ready to cook or wow you can provide fresh seafood for me in event of a zombie apocalypse? “No thanks”. Yep, BIG motorcycle…most likely small something else – “no, thank you”. You have to decide what type of woman you are going for and then “sell” to her. For instance, the fastest way into a smart woman’s panties is through her mind. If you want a dumb one the fastest way to her panties is with “stuff” or sympathy (direction to choose depending upon your longer-term goal).

He responds with “I have my own reasons why I choose to pursue the people I do, but there is a code among men that won’t allow me to detail it as you have.” I say “Okay – LOL…understood. I had a few minutes so I’m just trying to help a guy out.” He replied back “Well, you are obviously a lot smarter than I. Am I dismissed now? Clearly we have a conflict of interest.” …Geez Louise. Everybody needs to lighten the fuck up!! I was being a smart ass! There is some truth in there too…And you actually have to have some “interest” before there can be a conflict of interest (pun intended).