, ,

Good sex….we all need good sex. The benefits of sex are numerous. It makes us feel good, relieves stress, makes us live longer and it fills the need we have as human beings to be touched. Sex is something I am very passionate about (pun intended!). We kind of form our ideas about sex usually in our teen years and then maybe through our first serious sexual relationship. Some forget to keep growing from there…and I think some women still are caught up in the idea that sex is dirty or bad and not something we should enjoy….enjoy, instigate, wallow in and love.

The first key I think to good sex is being comfortable with your body. We as women are taught from childhood to compare our bodies to other women’s bodies. We absorb through societal input that there is a perfect breast size, waist size, shape, etc. and either we drive ourselves crazy trying to attain it or hate all the bit and pieces of us that we perceive to be not good enough. The truth of the matter is even a super model sees flaws. How about if we just acknowledge our bodies – they are a part of us – and love them in their imperfection?

I went to a women’s only Asian spa just north of Seattle once. Having never been there, I had no idea what to expect but heard the body scrubs were really good for you and I was wanting to treat myself with some love and kindness. When I arrived they gave me a robe and showed me around. It became very clear to me the only place anyone use to robe was to either wait in a waiting room for a massage or to sit in the little tea room/restaurant they had.  I was told I should sit in the seven pools of varying temperatures and wait to be called for my scrub. Not wanting to stick out by wearing my robe in an area where others were not, I gathered my courage…all of it…and hung my robe and walked what felt like a million steps to get in the water to relax. Of course I chose the little pool with no one in it being self-conscious of my body and feeling very out of place. What I learned that day I will never forget. Here in this place were women of all ages from what looked like maybe 15 or 16 to a woman who looked about 90, all walking around and getting in and out of pools like they had been naked all their lives. Confident and self-assured. The earth did not open up and swallow any of them! I also noticed no matter what the age, ethnicity, size, weight, and height…each body was beautiful in some way. The more confident each felt in their body, the more beautiful their body appeared to be – even with traditional “flaws”. Each body was unique, no two alike…I could see the beauty in each one. I thought to myself, if I were a man I would being heaven right now seeing so many women, all different, yet comfortable with themselves and their nakedness. I vowed right then and there to go ahead and love my body – or try to at least like it until I learned to love it.

How can I ever expect a partner to love my body if I don’t? I had three children…my belly is not flat…but it’s mine and it did a fine job housing those babies! So I suggest you spend time with yourself naked. I began being naked all the time when I was home. I was living alone…it became a very enjoyable habit that I still have although I’m no longer alone. The more comfortable I became with myself naked and alone, the more comfortable I was being naked in front of partners. Win/win.

Just don’t ever cook bacon naked…that is a bad idea. Just a couple more thoughts on this subject…a confident naked woman is sexy. I don’t think anyone who was attracted enough to ever end up in your presence for the purpose of sex would think your nakedness is anything but sexy – particularly if you “own” it. The thing you may perceive as “ugly” may be just the thing someone else thinks is uniquely sexy.