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I had always heard…not sure from exactly where…that women reached their sexual prime in their mid-thirties. I don’t think that it’s true.

I don’t know about you, but in my mid-thirties I was so flipping busy with the kids, the house, and the daily grind of married life I had very little desire or time for sex. When I did make the time, 9 times out of 10 I ended up feeling disappointed.

Quite frankly, I blamed my disinterest and dis-satisfaction on my husband. Now I see he was only partly to blame – LOL! In reality, (now that I’m older and wiser) I see there are many factors involved with a woman’s sex drive. Our hormones change – (sometimes it seems they change daily) our stress levels and time commitments change…as I discuss this with my married and unmarried friends we have come to realize we all somehow feel either our drive is too low or it’s too high. The truth is, whatever it is – is usually “normal”. We should be a lot nicer to ourselves.

In our 30’s we are so busy. Making careers, raising children, doing things for school and PTA, running a house…sex gets put on the bottom of the “To Do” list. Many times if we are in a long term relationship there is a level of irritation and resentment built up because we very often as women feel we have to do so much more than our counterparts to make life run smoothly, that if we aren’t exhausted – we’re busy being pissed off. At least on the positive side we usually know more about what makes us tick sexually than we did in our 20s.

In our 40’s life changes. Kids are older or grown, careers are more settled, there is more time for sex and intimacy than there was in the previous decade. This time can be a time to grow and expand our “sexual persona” and start to become muli-orgasmic sex goddesses.

If you reflect on it, there are times in life when your drive is high and times when it is low. Regardless of the cause, be it hormonal or environmental, remember satisfying sex is your right. If you are physically healthy and there isn’t a medical issue causing changes for you to have checked, tolerate your own ups and downs. You don’t have to explain or justify yourself to anyone. If your drive is lower than you would like sometimes you can turn it around by deciding to make sex a higher priority and doing things to get your mind pointed in that direction. If your drive is higher than you would like, I say make the most of it and try to enjoy it while it lasts.

During our 10-15 year “Perimenopausal” period, I know my friends and I have experienced times when the hormones were so out of whack we questioned ourselves and thought perhaps somehow we had become nymphomaniacs with our seemingly insatiable drive. If you happen to be experiencing this, relax…this too shall pass. By the same token, when the hormones shift the other way all of a sudden we may feel absolutely drive-less. That’s when you invest in some great lube and initiate some play with your partner…30 minutes later you might just be thinking to yourself “this was a very good idea”.

It seems an orgasm changes your whole chemistry and outlook for the day. At the very least the skin-on-skin contact meets our need as humans to be physically touched and helps us thrive just a little better. Maybe see how many orgasms you are actually capable of having…I would tell you my number…but then I’d have to kill you – LOL. Anyway, sometimes that’s all we need to do to raise it on the priority list and revive our interest. I have come to think of orgasms as “self care”…one a day (or more) will keep the doctor away.

I feel like our sexual “prime” might just be any age but most definitely after our mid 30’s. As we get older we are more comfortable in our own skin and more assertive in meeting our own needs and expecting our needs met. Sex gets better and better. I can’t tell you at what point in age it won’t. I haven’t got there yet. I will keep you posted 😉

 

 

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